Funny Joke.. Just had to Share

When Timmy came to school on Friday, he brought his Cat with him to his 2nd grade class.
Timmy, the teacher said.. Why did you bring your cat to class?
Timmy answered; Because Mrs. Garth.. This Morning when I was getting ready to leave for school, I heard my Father tell my Mother.." I'm gonna eat that Pussy as soon as Timmy goes to School"

Final Day of Spring Break..

Well I made it through Spring Break and am still in one piece, more importantly my kids are still in one piece. Xander started off the day with some major attitude and stayed dedicated to it for the rest for the day. Nolan however was really easy today. The boys spent the morning playing with Molly and were so excited when she tore her water dish into two pieces. I have to say being at home with the kids this week has kinda made me miss being a stay at home home. Even though when I was a full time stay at home home I really missed working. It's the proverbial grass is always greener situation.

I have noticed though since Xander has been spending so much time at my mom's his attitude has gotten a lot worse. Her and I have two totally different parenting styles. Hers is give him whatever he wants, mine is a little more complicated than that. My biggest complaint is that she lets him talk back to her and in my house that is the most disrespectful thing you can do. Talking back to their father is bad but when they talk back to me, all hell breaks loose. My husband and I want them to know that there are just certain things you do not do to females and talking to them in a disrespectful way is one of the big ones. But my mom just ignores it and it drives me nuts. Xan threw me the dirty looks of all dirty looks today and I really thought my head was gonna explode. It's amazing how just a look or rolling of the eyes can ignite an unstoppable fury in a Mother's soul. All of this mind you because I made him come in and wash his hands and eat lunch. I mean my god, I am just pure evil put here to ruin his life. He did however finally chill out and did some major ass kissing later.

I also cooked once again. My kids are a little freaked out. I have just been in the mood for some good ole home cooking. I even baked cookies and haven't been able to stop eating them since. I better stop though before the boys get too used to it.

Day Four of Spring Break...

This morning I woke up to the wonderful sound of a lawnmower. My gardener came back. I opened the window to the smell of fresh cut grass, watched as the birds played in my garden and I knew that today was going to be a good day. It finally felt like spring to me, so I broke out my Sun Tea jar filed it with water and set it on my fence. Is there anything better than Sun Tea on a hot day, no there is not.

Everyone was home today. Xander stayed home to play with his friends, so him and Nolan took off and stayed outside all day. My husband aka "Basher" stayed home to clean out the backyard. We have a bit of spider problem here, I think it's because there is the Edison field behind our house. Anyway I found Black Widows and their egg sacs and wanted him to kill them. Have you ever seen that movie "Arachnophobia" that is what it felt like, uhh I hate spiders. For some reason I am always the one who gets bit.

I took the dogs out front to lay on the grass and play while I sat on the porch drinking my Tea. I of course added the Southern touch and made Sweet Tea. Every time I drink Sweet Tea I am instantly transported back to being a little girl spending the summer with my Grandfather in Missouri. My family is from a very small farm town in Missouri and sometimes I miss it very much, I miss it's pace. But the South is still in our blood and in our hearts here. I did start craving Fried Okra and Gravy and Biscuits though, the Sweet Tea has that effect.

Still in my Southern mood and in need of some major comfort food after the attack of the eight legged freaks in my backyard, I cooked. This makes two nights in a row which is a very rare event in my household. I made a big Southern meal and of course burned my thumb. I cannot cook one meal without burning myself pretty severely. Thank god for the Aloe Vera plants I planted last fall.. So with my tummy full and my thumb all wrapped up, I crawled on the couch with the boys and the dogs and watched " The Blind Side" again. Such a good movie. I did however notice that I am going to be needing a bigger couch very soon. Molly is just going to keep getting bigger and I am the one that will most likely end up pushed onto the floor. So I need to look into that this month. But all in all as a Mama I had a really nice calm day, I'm a lil worse for wear with the cooking but, that's okay..

Day Three of Spring Break..

So today was actually a pretty good day. Nolan decided to put his attitude away for the day and gave me a nice break. We had a nice calm day together just the two of us. I played around in my garden for awhile, looked for a new gardener since ours has disappeared. My garden is looking pretty good, well half of it is looking pretty good, the other half needs a bit of TLC. But I am very happy with it, I was in such a good mood I even decided to cook. Which in this house is a special treat. It's not that I can't cook, it's that I hate to cook. I am that person that cannot cook without using every pot and pan in the place so clean up is a pain in the ass. My whole family in shock and many smart ass remarks from my kids later and we had a yummy home cooked meal. I even got the dishes done and put away while they ate, it was a good day indeed.

I then spent some time cleaning the hamster cage and playing with him a bit, the hamster my Nolan begged me for and has not paid any attention to since, he hasn't even named the poor little guy. So I have dubbed him "Cast Away" he lives in my art room for his own safety and I have to say he is pretty cute. I have to stop being such a sucker for these pets they want. Last year they talked me into rats, we ended up with six, 4 girls and 2 boys, and they were great and a lot of fun but also a lot of work and clean up. I am such an animal lover, that it sometimes bites me in the ass. But I think pets, especially dogs make a family. No matter how hard my day is or the kids day is coming home and laying down and hugging your dog is the most amazing relaxing and calming thing in the world. You instantly feel so loved and safe. But enough with the small pets for awhile, cuz I always get stuck with them. I am putting my foot down. Anyway, I am hoping tomorrow goes as smoothly as today did, one can hope.

Broken Dryer = Unhappy Mama

My house is being over taken by dirty laundry. A few weeks ago my wonderful Husband decided to do his own laundry. However he did not bother to empty his pockets beforehand. So our dryer ended up full of the wood screws he left in his pants. Not to worry he says, I can fix this. I just smiled and said okay honey, knowing if I had done this he would have been furious, Men... Now everyday since I ask him, can you please fix the dryer? Yes he says I will bring home the tools from the shop. Everyday he forgets to bring home the tools from the shop. Normally I would takes this little mishap as a nice needed break from the laundry, but the clothes are getting ready to get up and start attacking me. So I need my dryer back.

After the first week I decided to just send the boys dirty clothes to my Mom's for her to wash and dry for me. This was a good idea in theory, but just in theory. I then had to listen to my Mom bitch about how the boys dirty clothes had dog hair on them. Of course they had dog hair on them. Because before they make it to the hamper they end up in a huge pile on their floor, which BoBo our big fat hairy boy loves to sleep on. But to my Mother dog hair might as well be Anthrax. She cannot stand for dog or cat hair to be anywhere near her much less on her, she also despises touching a dog or cat or any kind of pet, if one of them tries to lick her, she has a full blown cow. She hates animals, we all give her a hard time about it. She swears that she doesn't but she does. I will give you a quick example; I was at her house about a month ago and it was raining really hard. I noticed that their was this cute Benji looking dog running around, so of course I (the advocate animal lover) went to see if he was lost. I led him back to my Mom's house, not even in her house just to the back outside covered patio. There is a towel that stays outside all the time, so I used it to dry off this poor dog who was shaking and soaking wet. She yelled at me for using her old, tore up, outside towel to dry off the dog. She said why didn't you just leave him out there? I told her, my god woman have a heart. It's a lost, wet, cold dog. I called the number on his tag and his owner was so thrilled and thankful and came and picked him up. I asked her, doesn't that make you feel good, to help an animal like that? She just rolled her eyes and went in the house. So ya see, she hates animals.

No matter what is wrong in my house the solution in her eyes is too get rid of my dogs and cat. The laundry isn't done, well you need to get rid of those dogs. There are dishes still in the sink, well you need to get rid of that cat. Because you know how those damn dogs can be with their laundry, just changing their outfits twenty times a day, creating more work for me. Don't even get me started on cats and how they go through dishes. Is this what is going through her mind, I really don't get her thinking. Now if you want my house to stay clean then I need to rid of my kids..Mother's are terrific, aren't they..So back to my original point , sending the dirty laundry to her house, not a good idea. So I am back to waiting for my Husband to bring home the tools from the shop. I tried the other day to pull the dryer out to get a look for myself, but there was a huge ass spider back there, and I don't do spiders.

Day Two of Spring Break..

I woke up to the sound of Nolan rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, thinking he was just eating breakfast I thought nothing of it. A few minutes went by and Nolan came running through the living room and into his room shutting the door behind him. My back was killing me because once again Nolan had come out in the middle of the night and crawled on the couch to sleep with me. Which meant that he and both dogs took up 90% of the couch while I was shoved into the last 10%. So I didn't jump up right away to go investigate. The dogs woke up so I dragged myself to my feet to let them out to go potty.

On the way to the back door I passed by the back bathroom and noticed there were Tech Deck ramps, Popsicle sticks and a jar of Vaseline on the counter. The sink was filled to the rim with oily water. Apparently Nolan was playing with his Tech Decks and built a Skate Park using the sink as he always does as the skate pool. We have a large opening for our drain with no strainer, so one of his tech decks fell in the drain. Nolan decided that it couldn't have gone that far so he got two of my Craft Popsicle sticks and greased them up with Vaseline and tried to pry them out. When that brilliant plan didn't work he poured vegetable oil down the drain to help grease the way and loosen the deck up. Then he filled the sink with water thinking it would cause the deck to then float up out of the drain. This plan did not work. Instead I got to try my hand out at plumbing, I did manage to save the tech deck. I couldn't get mad, one because it was just an accident and two because it was funny to see how his mind had gone to work.

He did however start the I want to ride my bike to park fight again which was a total blast and he made me feel like I was the most uncool, horrible mother to ever live. I do feel bad that all of his friends in the neighborhood get to ride their bikes, but I am sticking to my guns. He is just too young and although I do trust him even more than his older brother most of the time, what if he got hurt. It's just not worth it to me and more importantly most of those boys can act like little jerks. You know when you are driving and there is always that group of boys on their bikes that ride right out in front of you in the street without even looking, well that is not going to be my boys, I refuse to let them grow up to be little punks whether they like it or not. It is hard though to be disliked by your children even if it is just for a few moments when they are mad.I am not a fan of that feeling, but I guess that also means that I am doing something right...

Day One of Spring Break..

I woke up Monday Morning with Nolan's stinky feet in my face, Molly's paw in my mouth and BoBo laying on my now dead right arm. My husband has disappeared to the shop, leaving me home alone to deal with the madness. There is something about kids on Vacation that makes them more hyper than usual and misbehave more than usual. My oldest and most calm out of the two has decided to spend his spring break at ICES, which is a program at school where they play games, etc. I found it odd that he wanted to spend his break back at school of all places, but found out that the girl he likes is going to be there. That explains that. So I am left alone with Nolan my 10 yr old, who is in that whiny, test every limit possible stage.

So my plan was to keep him out of the house and keep him busy. These plans are destroyed when I noticed that my husband had decided to take my truck to work. This left me home with his 60's wagon that is on air bags and has no seat belts or power steering which makes this heavy beast hard to drive, or the 28 hot rod which has no seat belts either. So needless to say I was stuck at home all day. Where I spent the whole day fighting with Nolan because I wouldn't let him ride his bike to the park. I'm sorry but he is just too young to go off on his bike to the park just because the other boys in the neighborhood get to do it. These are boys who are that age where they love each other one minute and are trying to kill each other the next. I did let him go outside and play and then spent an hour walking up and down the neighborhood looking for him, because he did not bother to tell me he was going inside his friend's house to play and he turned his phone off. The only reason my son has a phone is so that I can get a hold of him whenever I need too.

Why does he do this the first day of break. Grounding him at this point is really more of a punishment for me than for him. Do I wanna be stuck in a house all week with a bored, pissed off 10 yr. old? So I am grounding him for one day, to make my point and then I will give him one more chance. Later that night I thought I would take Molly for a walk and take some time to myself, instead Molly took me for a nice forced run. Bright side to this is by the end of the month if she keeps this up, I am going to have an ass of steel not to mention muscular arms from holding on to the leash for dear life. Just in time for summer.