The Peace Keeper....

When it comes to my sons it doesn't take much to incite an argument between them. They take turns instigating the fights, mostly due to who's turn it is to play Xbox or what game to play. The one thing they do agree on however is their love for our dogs. Molly in particular has a special talent for keeping the peace between the boys, therefore she plays an important role in our family.

Molly's peace keeping efforts help keep me sane on a daily basis. When she hears the boys fighting or even senses a grimace vibe in the air she springs into action. She immediately charges into their room and starts to mollify the situation. Redirecting their focus from whatever quarrel they are in and beguiles them with her utter cuteness, comical energy and play. Gradually immobilizing their defenses and easing the tension. Molly declares neutral territory with her mere presence. Suddenly all you hear is the bellows of laughter and docile squeals of pure amusement.

When her job is done Molly retreats back into the living room leaving my once feral boys soggy and saturated with her kisses. She comes over to the sofa and gives me a look like "It's taken care of Mama" then lays down next to me for a well deserved rest and treats. Molly's method for diffusing the boys bickering is nothing less than amazing. Molly even has the ability to turn a grumpy, tired and stressed out Daddy into a smiling, happy, relaxed Daddy. These two talents alone solidifies her title as the Peace Keeper of the house. She has brought our family so much closer and gives us precious moments of pure joy everyday. Molly's vivaciousness spreads through the house like wildfire and it is impossible to be around her without smiling and laughing. No matter what goes wrong, being loved by and loving Molly makes everything better.

Nolan's Photography

My amazingly talented son Nolan loves taking pictures, especially of his Me. He has a surreptitious way of capturing candid moments of me and the dogs, his favorite subject to shoot. He is vigilant in his stalking and when he finds the moment he wants, he officiously starts shouting out commands. Freeze, wait, look down, look up. hold it. After the ambush is over he goes to the computer and starts downloading. When he faces the dilemma of a picture coming out poorly, he gets onto iphoto and the reworking begins. Changing the effects with various forms of Sepia, Antique and Black and White. He mixes them together altering each level and he transforms a bad or blurry photograph into something really interesting. As much as I have always loathed my picture being taken, when Nolan is the one behind the camera I suddenly become intrigued. How they will turn out once he puts his spin on it. It's like watching his imagination come to life and having the chance to see through his eyes. Which moments speak to him, which photographs he changes. He took these pictures the other night when the house was scorching hot. The dogs and I had taken up refuge on the floor in front of the fan. He also caught a particular irritating moment for me. Our dog BoBo has a penchant for laying on me at all times and when it is hot having a fluffy, fat dog on you is not ideal. No matter how much I pleaded with BoBo to get off of me he still insisted on at least having his head touching me. Nolan found this extremely funny and started to shoot away. Here is some of his photographs, please excuse my attire but the house was roasting and I was desperate to cool off.

Dread....

Dread. Everyone experiences some form of Dread from time to time. Whether it's dreading that alarm clock going off at 5 a.m. or dreading your work week. Most forms of dread rapidly transform to simple burdensome frustrations, irritations and nuisances. Then there is the more arduous form of dread. True Dread often comes unannounced and then consumes our feelings with it's irrational sense of doom.

Have you ever had the feeling of True Dread? I'm not talking about fear. Fear is immediate. Fear is what kicks in when your confronted with danger. A mugger with a gun, a stranger in your house. I'm talking about Dread. Dread is persistent. It gnaws at you, you can't ignore it. It just won't go away, because that is what dread is. It's worrying about something you can't do anything about. Dread renders you defenseless. It slowly seeps in and paralyzes your soul and weighs heavy on your heart. Dread can affect your job, your home, alter your entire personality.

Then comes hope. Hope like dread, it often comes unannounced and then thankfully intoxicates us and inoculates our feelings with a irrational sense of joy and optimism.
Hope is the high, Dread is the low and I guess life is the stuff in between.

Waiting Anxiously...

It is 3:oo and my boys should be home within the hour from school. I am sitting here anxiously waiting to see if Xander listened to me and does not kiss this girl a third time. I have his little brother aka the "lookout" on the job ready to report back to me. I understand that he has a crush and I am totally okay with that but I want him to stay a child for long as possible, they are in such a hurry to grow up. I don't want him to become consumed with girls just quite yet, he has his teenage years for that. So we will see soon enough if our talk took or not. Crossing my fingers...

The Talk...

As you now know a few days ago I found out that my first born son had has his first kiss, first experience with masturbation and asked me how a girl has a orgasm. Last night we had the oh so ominous talk. I was up again all the night before going over in my head the right dialogue trying to solidify the perfect response to this situation on my part. The key to a successful discussion of this nature is speaking to your kids in a language that they can comprehend. Maybe he will really heed my advice if I can get to him on his level.
I called him in trying to remind myself that this was a discussion and not a lecture, after all I want him to keep coming to me and opening up to me, feeling like he can always tell me anything without eliciting a negative response. He tells me that earlier that day he did kiss this girl again even though I had told him the night before I did not want him kissing her again. Even through my irritation at his defying my rules I did appreciate his honesty. I went on to try and explain to him that he was just too young to be engaging in these little dalliances. We went back and fourth finally with agreeing to hold off in the romance department. Next came the topic of his proclivity towards masturbation. This I told him was perfectly normal but a private thing and needed to be treated as such. It was not something to be joked around with to his friends or to ever be discussed with a girl. I explained the proper etiquette if you will and he seemed to understand. Even though I do know that this would be happening soon and that it is indeed normal for him to be curious about his body and such, it still provokes a sense of sadness in me. Not the act itself just the fact that my first born is no longer a little boy. That he is now starting to have these feelings and these urges and that it is only going to get stronger. I am now on the puberty path and now it is my job to keep his pee pee in his pants and to make sure the only hands that touch it are his own.
This brings me to my point that both of these kisses happened at school during school hours. I can keep him safe and protected here but what do you do to make sure they are being good at school. Last year two sixth graders were caught having oral sex in the bathrooms at school. This is not going to be my child ever. It is amazing how much peer pressure there already is in the 5th grade. The one comforting thought is that I know my son and his character. I know deep down that I don't really need to worry but I really have no idea how deep these curiosities go in his mind, do you ever really know. My parents sure didn't. That is why it is so important to me to keep these lines of communication open, with the perfect mixture of understanding his side from a kids POV yet not being to much of a pal instead of a parent. It is a tricky thing.

Why Can't he Stay Little?

I have been up all night again, I hate when I can't sleep at night however this time it was my anxiety about about Xander. Trying to figure out if I will be able to get through his pubescent years. He had his first kiss 2 days ago, just a kiss on lips no tongue thank god but I am still not happy about it. I understand he is at that age where he likes girls and they are now in that " we are dating " stage. Which when I was young it was called "going around". That's all normal and I get that, he is at the same age I was when I had my first peck kiss, but it's all the questions he has been asking lately that frankly has me scared out of my mind. Not to mention this little girl of his walked with him home yesterday, that is a little much for me. I am not being a crazy mama I swear. But the other day he was asking me about orgasms and masturbation and last night Nolan walked in on him having a little happy time with himself. Now I understand that it is perfectly normal for him to be going through all of this and being curious about his body and all of that, but this also means he is having those feeling and those urges and that my friends is what leads to boys having sex. And I am freaking out. I know that it's not something I have to be worried about right now but I am on the path now, it has started and is only going to get worse. My babies, my little boy, my angel. What if he now having had his first kiss wants to try a french kiss then so on and so on. He is too young for all of this and I am wishing now that he went to an all boys school. He gets a lot of attention from girls, hell even 8th graders at that school hit on him, I am proud that he is so cute, but it also scares me. Girls are gonna like him and girls now a days scare me. Not all of them but his last little girlfriend used to send him little notes home telling him he had a nice ass, I mean come on. So ya I am freaking out a bit, I don't want their to be a second kiss or have this kissing be a recurring thing, he is to young for that. He had his first kiss and found out what it was like and now I would like him to be done till he is at least 15. So before he goes to school today I am gonna tell him that he can't do that anymore and I don't want him spending time with her after school and he is gonna be mad at me. Not looking forward to it, but I don't know what else to do. Am I being paranoid? I don't know, but having boys is scary, especially knowing that he has reached the age where he is having all of these curiosities and my god he is asking about orgasms..

A Boy and his Dog

Is there anything better than seeing a boy and his dog. Nolan came home from school on Friday really upset, he had been teased at school and for a 10 year old was having a bad day. Later that night he curled up on the couch still sad and the dogs jumped up to be by his side. It's amazing how dogs know when your upset and in need of some extra lovin. They stayed by his side all night and he slept like a baby as did they. The next morning he got up and hugged them for about an hour then he was feeling great and was ready to start his day. He looked at me and said "My life would be sad without my dogs". I agreed, I know all to well how healing they can be, no matter what's wrong, some major doggie love makes it all better. Why is that? Is there any better feeling than being surrounded by pure, uncritical, unselfish, Love...

Still Going...

Well it's 8a.m. and I am now 12 loads in, all of which have been folded and or hung up and put away. Besides the agonizing, excruciating, menacing back pain I think I am on a pretty good role. I am now going to try and get a few hours of sleep and hope that when I wake up I will be able to stand on my own two feet. Side Note- Molly crawled into bed with Xander and they have both been cuddling and sleeping together all night. Best thing about Molly so far is her ability to keep Xander asleep at night. So off to bed and will start the Laundry back up in a few hours, hopefully....

New Development as I am typing, Basher is off to the Swap Meet and is leaving both kids here. So let's hope everyone sleeps in so Mama can at least a few hours of sleep..

Weekend Laundry Warrior..

Well my Husband did it, I have a working dryer. So guess what I will be doing all weekend? That's right, Laundry, laundry, laundry... I am 7 loads in and about a billion to go. I have noticed one thing, I have no clothes. My husband has enough clothes for 3 of him and I barely have enough clothes to get me through the week. I am just realizing that I haven't gone shopping since I can't even remember when. You know how it is, when you are a Mom with 2 growing boys, I am always last on the needs list. But this is ridiculous. I am gonna need to go out and get me some clothes. I have also realized that my boys have so many clothes and I have nowhere to put them. I need to come up with a better solution for hanging up all these clothes. My husband has the hall closet, the bedroom closet and all of the dresser drawers and still has a ton of clothes left over with nowhere to go. All of my clothes fill half of my closet and 3 drawers, that's just sad. It's like the twilight zone over here.

I have to say though there is no more beautiful sound than that of my dryer spinning away. I feel complete again. I also cooked, yes I did. What is that, four nights in a row now, I am going for a new record. My back on the other hand hates me right now and is just begging me to lay on the couch and put my feet up and stop all the madness. But I can't because there is too much to do. My goal is by the end of the weekend to have 80% of the laundry done and my kitchen and bathrooms clean. Will see how long my back holds up.

Funny Joke.. Just had to Share

When Timmy came to school on Friday, he brought his Cat with him to his 2nd grade class.
Timmy, the teacher said.. Why did you bring your cat to class?
Timmy answered; Because Mrs. Garth.. This Morning when I was getting ready to leave for school, I heard my Father tell my Mother.." I'm gonna eat that Pussy as soon as Timmy goes to School"

Final Day of Spring Break..

Well I made it through Spring Break and am still in one piece, more importantly my kids are still in one piece. Xander started off the day with some major attitude and stayed dedicated to it for the rest for the day. Nolan however was really easy today. The boys spent the morning playing with Molly and were so excited when she tore her water dish into two pieces. I have to say being at home with the kids this week has kinda made me miss being a stay at home home. Even though when I was a full time stay at home home I really missed working. It's the proverbial grass is always greener situation.

I have noticed though since Xander has been spending so much time at my mom's his attitude has gotten a lot worse. Her and I have two totally different parenting styles. Hers is give him whatever he wants, mine is a little more complicated than that. My biggest complaint is that she lets him talk back to her and in my house that is the most disrespectful thing you can do. Talking back to their father is bad but when they talk back to me, all hell breaks loose. My husband and I want them to know that there are just certain things you do not do to females and talking to them in a disrespectful way is one of the big ones. But my mom just ignores it and it drives me nuts. Xan threw me the dirty looks of all dirty looks today and I really thought my head was gonna explode. It's amazing how just a look or rolling of the eyes can ignite an unstoppable fury in a Mother's soul. All of this mind you because I made him come in and wash his hands and eat lunch. I mean my god, I am just pure evil put here to ruin his life. He did however finally chill out and did some major ass kissing later.

I also cooked once again. My kids are a little freaked out. I have just been in the mood for some good ole home cooking. I even baked cookies and haven't been able to stop eating them since. I better stop though before the boys get too used to it.

Day Four of Spring Break...

This morning I woke up to the wonderful sound of a lawnmower. My gardener came back. I opened the window to the smell of fresh cut grass, watched as the birds played in my garden and I knew that today was going to be a good day. It finally felt like spring to me, so I broke out my Sun Tea jar filed it with water and set it on my fence. Is there anything better than Sun Tea on a hot day, no there is not.

Everyone was home today. Xander stayed home to play with his friends, so him and Nolan took off and stayed outside all day. My husband aka "Basher" stayed home to clean out the backyard. We have a bit of spider problem here, I think it's because there is the Edison field behind our house. Anyway I found Black Widows and their egg sacs and wanted him to kill them. Have you ever seen that movie "Arachnophobia" that is what it felt like, uhh I hate spiders. For some reason I am always the one who gets bit.

I took the dogs out front to lay on the grass and play while I sat on the porch drinking my Tea. I of course added the Southern touch and made Sweet Tea. Every time I drink Sweet Tea I am instantly transported back to being a little girl spending the summer with my Grandfather in Missouri. My family is from a very small farm town in Missouri and sometimes I miss it very much, I miss it's pace. But the South is still in our blood and in our hearts here. I did start craving Fried Okra and Gravy and Biscuits though, the Sweet Tea has that effect.

Still in my Southern mood and in need of some major comfort food after the attack of the eight legged freaks in my backyard, I cooked. This makes two nights in a row which is a very rare event in my household. I made a big Southern meal and of course burned my thumb. I cannot cook one meal without burning myself pretty severely. Thank god for the Aloe Vera plants I planted last fall.. So with my tummy full and my thumb all wrapped up, I crawled on the couch with the boys and the dogs and watched " The Blind Side" again. Such a good movie. I did however notice that I am going to be needing a bigger couch very soon. Molly is just going to keep getting bigger and I am the one that will most likely end up pushed onto the floor. So I need to look into that this month. But all in all as a Mama I had a really nice calm day, I'm a lil worse for wear with the cooking but, that's okay..

Day Three of Spring Break..

So today was actually a pretty good day. Nolan decided to put his attitude away for the day and gave me a nice break. We had a nice calm day together just the two of us. I played around in my garden for awhile, looked for a new gardener since ours has disappeared. My garden is looking pretty good, well half of it is looking pretty good, the other half needs a bit of TLC. But I am very happy with it, I was in such a good mood I even decided to cook. Which in this house is a special treat. It's not that I can't cook, it's that I hate to cook. I am that person that cannot cook without using every pot and pan in the place so clean up is a pain in the ass. My whole family in shock and many smart ass remarks from my kids later and we had a yummy home cooked meal. I even got the dishes done and put away while they ate, it was a good day indeed.

I then spent some time cleaning the hamster cage and playing with him a bit, the hamster my Nolan begged me for and has not paid any attention to since, he hasn't even named the poor little guy. So I have dubbed him "Cast Away" he lives in my art room for his own safety and I have to say he is pretty cute. I have to stop being such a sucker for these pets they want. Last year they talked me into rats, we ended up with six, 4 girls and 2 boys, and they were great and a lot of fun but also a lot of work and clean up. I am such an animal lover, that it sometimes bites me in the ass. But I think pets, especially dogs make a family. No matter how hard my day is or the kids day is coming home and laying down and hugging your dog is the most amazing relaxing and calming thing in the world. You instantly feel so loved and safe. But enough with the small pets for awhile, cuz I always get stuck with them. I am putting my foot down. Anyway, I am hoping tomorrow goes as smoothly as today did, one can hope.

Broken Dryer = Unhappy Mama

My house is being over taken by dirty laundry. A few weeks ago my wonderful Husband decided to do his own laundry. However he did not bother to empty his pockets beforehand. So our dryer ended up full of the wood screws he left in his pants. Not to worry he says, I can fix this. I just smiled and said okay honey, knowing if I had done this he would have been furious, Men... Now everyday since I ask him, can you please fix the dryer? Yes he says I will bring home the tools from the shop. Everyday he forgets to bring home the tools from the shop. Normally I would takes this little mishap as a nice needed break from the laundry, but the clothes are getting ready to get up and start attacking me. So I need my dryer back.

After the first week I decided to just send the boys dirty clothes to my Mom's for her to wash and dry for me. This was a good idea in theory, but just in theory. I then had to listen to my Mom bitch about how the boys dirty clothes had dog hair on them. Of course they had dog hair on them. Because before they make it to the hamper they end up in a huge pile on their floor, which BoBo our big fat hairy boy loves to sleep on. But to my Mother dog hair might as well be Anthrax. She cannot stand for dog or cat hair to be anywhere near her much less on her, she also despises touching a dog or cat or any kind of pet, if one of them tries to lick her, she has a full blown cow. She hates animals, we all give her a hard time about it. She swears that she doesn't but she does. I will give you a quick example; I was at her house about a month ago and it was raining really hard. I noticed that their was this cute Benji looking dog running around, so of course I (the advocate animal lover) went to see if he was lost. I led him back to my Mom's house, not even in her house just to the back outside covered patio. There is a towel that stays outside all the time, so I used it to dry off this poor dog who was shaking and soaking wet. She yelled at me for using her old, tore up, outside towel to dry off the dog. She said why didn't you just leave him out there? I told her, my god woman have a heart. It's a lost, wet, cold dog. I called the number on his tag and his owner was so thrilled and thankful and came and picked him up. I asked her, doesn't that make you feel good, to help an animal like that? She just rolled her eyes and went in the house. So ya see, she hates animals.

No matter what is wrong in my house the solution in her eyes is too get rid of my dogs and cat. The laundry isn't done, well you need to get rid of those dogs. There are dishes still in the sink, well you need to get rid of that cat. Because you know how those damn dogs can be with their laundry, just changing their outfits twenty times a day, creating more work for me. Don't even get me started on cats and how they go through dishes. Is this what is going through her mind, I really don't get her thinking. Now if you want my house to stay clean then I need to rid of my kids..Mother's are terrific, aren't they..So back to my original point , sending the dirty laundry to her house, not a good idea. So I am back to waiting for my Husband to bring home the tools from the shop. I tried the other day to pull the dryer out to get a look for myself, but there was a huge ass spider back there, and I don't do spiders.

Day Two of Spring Break..

I woke up to the sound of Nolan rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, thinking he was just eating breakfast I thought nothing of it. A few minutes went by and Nolan came running through the living room and into his room shutting the door behind him. My back was killing me because once again Nolan had come out in the middle of the night and crawled on the couch to sleep with me. Which meant that he and both dogs took up 90% of the couch while I was shoved into the last 10%. So I didn't jump up right away to go investigate. The dogs woke up so I dragged myself to my feet to let them out to go potty.

On the way to the back door I passed by the back bathroom and noticed there were Tech Deck ramps, Popsicle sticks and a jar of Vaseline on the counter. The sink was filled to the rim with oily water. Apparently Nolan was playing with his Tech Decks and built a Skate Park using the sink as he always does as the skate pool. We have a large opening for our drain with no strainer, so one of his tech decks fell in the drain. Nolan decided that it couldn't have gone that far so he got two of my Craft Popsicle sticks and greased them up with Vaseline and tried to pry them out. When that brilliant plan didn't work he poured vegetable oil down the drain to help grease the way and loosen the deck up. Then he filled the sink with water thinking it would cause the deck to then float up out of the drain. This plan did not work. Instead I got to try my hand out at plumbing, I did manage to save the tech deck. I couldn't get mad, one because it was just an accident and two because it was funny to see how his mind had gone to work.

He did however start the I want to ride my bike to park fight again which was a total blast and he made me feel like I was the most uncool, horrible mother to ever live. I do feel bad that all of his friends in the neighborhood get to ride their bikes, but I am sticking to my guns. He is just too young and although I do trust him even more than his older brother most of the time, what if he got hurt. It's just not worth it to me and more importantly most of those boys can act like little jerks. You know when you are driving and there is always that group of boys on their bikes that ride right out in front of you in the street without even looking, well that is not going to be my boys, I refuse to let them grow up to be little punks whether they like it or not. It is hard though to be disliked by your children even if it is just for a few moments when they are mad.I am not a fan of that feeling, but I guess that also means that I am doing something right...

Day One of Spring Break..

I woke up Monday Morning with Nolan's stinky feet in my face, Molly's paw in my mouth and BoBo laying on my now dead right arm. My husband has disappeared to the shop, leaving me home alone to deal with the madness. There is something about kids on Vacation that makes them more hyper than usual and misbehave more than usual. My oldest and most calm out of the two has decided to spend his spring break at ICES, which is a program at school where they play games, etc. I found it odd that he wanted to spend his break back at school of all places, but found out that the girl he likes is going to be there. That explains that. So I am left alone with Nolan my 10 yr old, who is in that whiny, test every limit possible stage.

So my plan was to keep him out of the house and keep him busy. These plans are destroyed when I noticed that my husband had decided to take my truck to work. This left me home with his 60's wagon that is on air bags and has no seat belts or power steering which makes this heavy beast hard to drive, or the 28 hot rod which has no seat belts either. So needless to say I was stuck at home all day. Where I spent the whole day fighting with Nolan because I wouldn't let him ride his bike to the park. I'm sorry but he is just too young to go off on his bike to the park just because the other boys in the neighborhood get to do it. These are boys who are that age where they love each other one minute and are trying to kill each other the next. I did let him go outside and play and then spent an hour walking up and down the neighborhood looking for him, because he did not bother to tell me he was going inside his friend's house to play and he turned his phone off. The only reason my son has a phone is so that I can get a hold of him whenever I need too.

Why does he do this the first day of break. Grounding him at this point is really more of a punishment for me than for him. Do I wanna be stuck in a house all week with a bored, pissed off 10 yr. old? So I am grounding him for one day, to make my point and then I will give him one more chance. Later that night I thought I would take Molly for a walk and take some time to myself, instead Molly took me for a nice forced run. Bright side to this is by the end of the month if she keeps this up, I am going to have an ass of steel not to mention muscular arms from holding on to the leash for dear life. Just in time for summer.

Will it ever all get done?

Some days you just have to let it all go, the chaos going on in your head about everything you need to get done but don't have time to get done. After waking up to my husbands alarm which he lets go off for 10 mins before I finally get up and shut it off and getting the kids off to school. I drag myself into the shower, pop out and throw my hair in a ponytail and some clothes on. Then I take the dogs for their morning walk and load the them into the car and go to work. Then I spend all day at the shop and running around doing various errands, then around 7pm it's off to pick up the boys from my mothers. By the time I get home and eat dinner, spend some time with the boys and referee the many arguments they have every night. It's time to herd the boys off to bed, which never goes quickly. There are needing to go to the bathroom and getting glasses of water and of course the last attempt to stay awake, the "I'm Starving" whines set in. It is amazing how much food growing boys can eat. Then one last argument of the night over who is gonna sleep on top and who is gonna sleep on the bottom bunk before I finally lose it and scream at them to be quiet and go to sleep already. Then this is the time I have to do all my chores in the house, every night as I look around at all the dishes in the sink and dirty laundry that needs to be done I get so overwhelmed. No matter how much you clean as a mother, the house never stays clean. By the time you get all the laundry done the hamper if full again, by the time you get the dishes in the dishwasher, the sink is full again. Especially at my house. My boys use up so much laundry it is amazing, and when they eat they manage to use as many dishes and cups as possible. I admit it, I am horrible at housework. Will there ever be a day, where my husband actually puts his dirty socks in the hamper instead of throwing them on the floor? Will my sons ever put their backpacks away and hang up their coats, without having to told to 10 times? Will all the laundry ever get done? Will I ever find all the missing socks? Is it possible to have a clean bathroom living with 3 boys? Is it possible that my house will stay clean living with 3 boys, 2 dogs and 1 cat. I know this, as a mother's day gift to myself this year I am treating myself to a maid and a spa day....

Somnolent is the Word of the Day...

Not being able to fall asleep is one of the most frustrating things in world. It is 5am and I am exhausted and have been trying to go to sleep for the past 4 hours, with no luck at all. I have tried everything I know, and nothing. Like Monday's aren't hard enough on their own I get to try and get through my Monday with no sleep. I stay up trying so hard to clear my head of everything that is bouncing around up there, that I end up wide awake going over and over in my head everything I have to get done the following day. Then I think well since I am awake I might as well get started on the chores I have to do here at home, this is how my laundry ends up getting half way done. The ever so popular clean clothes hamper. You know when you wash clothes but don't have time or feel like putting them away they end up folded and stuck in the desginated clean clothes hamper. And let's face it, once they get there they are never getting put away, they will get dug through until they are either all wrinkled or half of them are dumped on the floor by the kids looking for clean socks. Then you will have to wash the clean clothes again. As you can tell this happens often in my house. We also have the chair in the living room that is for all the clothes you have gotten on a hanger but not managed to get in the closet for whatever reason. Doing chores at night when you can't sleep isn't a good idea, unless you want to spend twice the time and effort fixing and finishing all the half done chores the next day. I also tried eating, which is my favorite thing to do at night, hoping if I stuffed my tummy it would send me into a nice slumber, it sent me to the medicine cabinet searching for Tums. I tried laying next to BoBo and petting him to relax myself, BoBo is snoring away sleeping like a baby and I got to deal with my arm falling asleep and then the lovely pins and needles while it woke up. I tried writing in my journal, but got really caught up in what I was writing and ended up with a 4 page entry. So I now give up, maybe not trying to fall asleep will finally work. Hoping to be in Dream Land soon..

This Post is R rated...Adults Only

Last night as I was getting my feet rubbed by my Husband, I was sitting there wondering. How do other couples make their Marriage work? How do they keep it fresh? Make time for Sex with kids in the house that never sleep? See my Husband and I have some very quirky but effective methods for both us getting what we want. It's the BJ's for Back or Foot Rubs Method. It is simple. When my husband wants a BJ for de-stressing purposes or to help him sleep, that is all BJ's that are not a part of our regular sex, then I get a Back or Foot Rub in return. Yes I could ask for sexual favors in return, but I could also go in the other room and take care of that myself, I can't however rub my own back. I came up with this plan and it is brilliant. This way we both get to relax and are both happy. This also works for shopping, say I want a pair of jeans but they are $300.00 or more then my hubbie gets a BJ in return. See men are simple or at least my husband is. I hear my women friends complain that their husbands want BJ's and they don't want to give them. I tell them you are looking at this the wrong way. First of all you have to change your thinking from Omg I have to give him a BJ, to ok cool he gets a BJ now what do I want in return. It could be anything, from back rubs, to shoes, to a night off from the kids. Most men will agree to anything when a BJ is on the table. There would be a lot more happy marriages out there if people went with this Method. Just be sure to get yours first. See if you give him a BJ first then he is useless, and /or will give you a weak ass rub. But if you make him go first, then he will do a great job, see he's in a good mood because he knows a BJ is coming, and he will rub your back or feet very well hoping you will do just as good a job in return. See simple. My Method works, try it out sometime, it becomes a fun little game and best of all, it's a win, win...

Why Can't We Have It All...

Why is it that being a Wife and a Mom isn't enough? Why do we feel the need to be SuperMom... Can we really have it all? Is there such a thing as enough hours in a day? I am a Wife, a Mother, a Business Owner, a Daughter, a Sister, an Aunt and a Friend. All of these titles are important to me, even though I always feel like I am doing all these jobs half way and where does this leave me? Can you really be all of these things to everyone else in your life and have enough left over for yourself? I struggle with these questions everyday. I want to be the kind of person that can do it all, I really do. There just isn't enough time or enough of me to do them all correctly. So I pick the most important, which is Kids, Husband, Family of course. Then the rest of it a lot of the times get put on hold. Most of all I get put on hold. Now that I am working again it is a whole new struggle, and a whole new me. No longer am I a stay at home Mom. You have no idea how weird that feels, and how guilty I feel for not being here all the time. My youngest son Nolan is taking it very hard and every time he calls me begging me to pick him up from his Grandma's, my heart breaks. Am I causing some kind of lasting damage that I am not aware of. My Mother worked all the time and I hated it, which is a big part of why I stayed home with my kids all these years. I didn't want to miss out on getting to see them grow up, I didn't want someone else telling me stories about all of the wonderful things they did each day, I wanted to be there and see it for myself. Even though there were many times I wished I was at work, being a stay at home Mother is the hardest job in the world. Going to work is so much easier in comparison, so am I taking the easy way out? Does he understand that I am doing all of this for him so that he and his brother can have a better life? Can a 10 year old fully process that? The fact that my oldest son Xander is so content to stay with my mother is just as heartbreaking. Granted Nolan has always been a Mama's boy and Xander has always been close to his Grandma, which I always really liked. Now though that I don't get to see him as much I admit I do get a bit jealous every now and then. Can we as Moms ever really have it all? I don't know, but I will keep trying my best everyday, and hope that for now that is enough...

Silent Night

It's creeping up on 4 a.m. Sunday morning, and I can't sleep. It has been a rough couple of days. It started with Friday, which was the day from hell and I had one of those wonderful Mommy Meltdowns. Saturday was just crazy busy, my stepdaughter is with us this weekend and any time there is 3 kids instead of the usual 2, the hyper level gets bumped up to 120%. So right now I am just enjoying the quiet house, watching the movie that I want to watch and eating my red vines without kids and dogs begging for some to. It is quite peaceful. Nolan and Molly are asleep on the couch, looking so calm and innocent. Such a beautiful sight. I love to watch my kids sleep, I can't believe how fast they are growing up. It is a lil scary but also exciting. Part of me wishes they could of stayed little forever, in a blink of an eye their childhood is going to be over and they will be teenagers. It is heartbreaking for me, it has gone by so fast. I see so many kids trying so hard to grow up before they are ready, acting far beyond their age and watching their parents feed into it. Not me, I let my kids know everyday that they should cherish their childhood and I fight constantly to make sure they do. Because it is over so quickly and you never get it back, they have their whole lives to be adults. I know that childhood can be hell, kids are so mean to each other at that age but like I always tell my kids. Childhood is supposed to be hell, it is preparing you for life. Life just like childhood isn't fair, and most of the time it makes no sense, but it is all how you look at it that matters. Cherish each moment good and bad, because they are only there for a second and then they are gone forever. Embrace the good and learn from the bad. Now I need to take my own advice...

Molly VS. My Mac

So at night when I am done on with my MacBook I close it up and put the power adapter in my bag on the table. That seemed like a perfectly safe place for it. I was wrong, I didn't notice that Molly is now tall enough to get reach up on the table and pull my bag down, which she did. And she turned my power adapter into her latest chew toy, It might be the fact that Bobo constantly steals her bone, which she cherishes. You can't be mad, she is just a puppy. Bonus to the power cord chewing is that I needed a new one anyway, mine was working only when it wanted to and i got to buy it using my Business card so I can write it off. Yeah...

Do they know that Dad lives here too..

For some reason in my house all day and night all I hear is Mom, Mama, Mommy, Mom... For every predicament, grievance, ailment, every boredom dilemma, all damage control it's Mom. They automatically call out my name first. I have never heard them call out Dad, Daddy, Dad, Dad... Oh no, why ? Because they know Dad isn't gonna deal with it. Men are geniuses about getting out of doing stuff at home, and dealing with the kids when they are being crazy. Dad's know if you want them to fix something all they have to do is mess it up one time and we will make them stop. Ask them to do the dishes, they know if they do them wrong that as Mom we will automatically take over so it gets done right. When it comes to the kids, I think this applies more to stay at home moms because we are always and have always been there 24 hrs a day taking care of everything. So it is hard wired into their brain to come to Mom first for everything. I have tried to break my kids of this habit but it never seems to work. On those days where you have just had enough there is no easier way to drive you over the edge than the sound of Mom, Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mommy, MOM, MOM, MOM..... That sound just finds your spine and crawls up it into your brain until you just want to scream.. Do they not know that we heard them the first time, that if we do not jump up to their beckon call at that very moment then maybe we are busy.. The worst thing is, I used to do this to my own Mother and never understood why it made her so crazy, but thanks to the good ol curse she put on me when I had my first child, I know all to well why this made her crazy. Now every time it is done to me for a second I feel so guilty for ever doing it to her..

Auto Focus

Watching BoBo last night and the intense focus he had while starring at Molly with her bone, it made me think. My biggest problem with my son Xander is his utter lack of focus. From getting ready in the morning, to eating his dinner at night, all day you are yelling FOCUS XANDER FOCUS. Everything is a constant struggle with him to just get him too focus and get it done.

Now my biggest problem with BoBo, is his Focus. He is the most focused animal you have ever seen. From sitting in the Kitchen watching the cat eat her food, just waiting for some of it to fall so he can catch it. To sitting in front of the coffee table for 2 hrs crying because he knows there is a Red Vine up there. BoBo never gives up.

So if I could just find a way to switch Xander and Bobo's focus problems, I would have it made. Just think how much easier my life would be if Xander was able to focus on his homework the way Bobo focuses on the Red Vine I am eating or if BoBo focused on the cat and food as little as Xander focuses on his chores. Just imagine it. Life would be great

Feeling Old and Young all at the same time..

Why is 34 turning out to be so exhausting.. I have a theory. I really think it's because I lost a year. See when I turned 34 I thought I was still 32. I went all of last year thinking I was 32, it wasn't until a month before my birthday that my husband informed me, no honey you are 33. No, I said, I am 32. I sat there and did the math, omg I am 33. I have lost a whole year. I still don't know how this happened, but it did. I had one month of being 33 then came the big 34. Now ever since I seem to have lost some energy and believe me I didn't have any left over to lose. I still think I should get to do 33 over again, I mean it's only fair. What if 33 is my lucky year and I missed it. Or is it all in my head. I have never been one to stress about getting older, because I still look pretty young and I still act young, but 34 is a little different. I am starting to feel my age, I found a gray hair this year, my first. My crow's feet are a size larger this year and my energy has gone to some other place. It is such a weird feeling to be in your 30's. Because no matter how much you joke about feeling old, it's you finally realizing how young it actually is. When you were younger, your 30's seemed so old, I mean our parents were in their 30's. But when you finally arrive, especially mid 30's you think, but I am still so young. Ya, your beginning to lose a step or too, those wrinkles have set their sights on you, those gray wiry hairs are playing peek a boo with you, your hair doesn't grow as fast anymore. Yes you are constantly looking in the mirror at that brown spot on your face, trying to figure out how much time you actually tanned when you were younger without sunscreen. That's the worst have you ever looked at your face through one of those special cameras they have at the make up counters, you know the ones that show you just how much damage you did as a teenager. When you were young and cocky and said, oh please Mother, by the time the damage from this amazing tan shows up, I won't care. Well guess what, I care.. Now all of our money goes to trying to reverse that awesome tan we had.. Foolish girl, why didn't I just listen to my Mother. It is just an odd age, feeling old and young all at the same time..

Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader ?

I don't know about everyone else but at my kids school, they get a lot of homework. Sometimes I think it's actually more for the parents than for the kids. When I help my kids with their homework I feel like I am in a game of "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?" Math has never been and still is not my subject and trying to remember fractions is taxing enough but now they need to go throw all this new math out there. Thankfully my oldest son is a natural math genius, he is in advanced math and helps his little brother. But when he does run into a problem it becomes this puzzle that I get obsessed with trying to figure out, all the while feeling totally frustrated that I cannot remember any of it. It is amazing as you get older to find out what information has escaped for good. I sit there laughing wondering how many other parents are sitting at home with their 5th graders feeling the same way. It is a bit of an ego tester let me tell you. I swear I did not learn half the math that they seem to be teaching today, it is the word problems that I am usually best at, but even some of the ones they bring home get me stumped. I remember one night last year, Xander had this word problem that he did not understand. Now I knew I was in trouble if he was having problems, usually he can do his math with his eyes closed. So I must have read this thing about 20 times, and for the life of me I could not get it. So I asked my husband he is the math brain in this house, he of course gave up very quickly, I called my mother she was just as lost as I was. I looked on the Internet, called a few of my mama friends, nothing. Nobody could figure this out, I started to think well if none of these adults can get it then that is just ridiculous, maybe there was a typo ? I must of spent a few hours mulling over this word problem. Finally my son comes in and says let me see it one more time, he reads it again and figures it out on the spot, oh I must have read it wrong the first time; he says. I just looked up in total shock, are you serious; I said. I started laughing so hard I almost peed myself, I couldn't believe I had spent all this time torturing myself and he just read it wrong. How is my 5th grader smarter than me, I asked him. he replied; all 5th graders are smarter than their parents, they even made a show about it...

Wide Awake @ 4 am..Thanks Earthquake...

So yes we just had an earthquake 4.4 apparently. Now everyone is awake, yeah... I was already awake just getting ready to go to bed when the earth had itself a lil shake. My husband woke up, then Nolan. Right before the quake Molly and BoBo were acting really weird, they were both laying on the floor just starring up at the ceiling being really still. How do dogs know these things? Thank god it was just a lil one but it still freaks me out given what's going on in the world. I mean I worry are we next in line for a major quake? You can't help but think about it. So I went online to see how big it was and I noticed that just over the last 7 days we have had quite a few, 3.0, 2.8, 3.8, 4.0 etc. that is unsettling. I didn't feel any of them and I am sure we have quakes all the time, but I like it better when I am not aware of it. So note to self "Do Not Go Online and Look at the Earthquake Maps", stay blissfully ignorant..So now I am going to attempt to get Molly to sleep, but first I have to convince Nolan to go back to his own bed. This should be a lot of fun. Since he is now wide awake spouting his theories of what causes an Earthquake. Nolans theory as he explained to me is this "Mom I think the Earth just has gas, thank god it was only a fart and it didn't take a shit on us" now how can you argue with that logic. FYI when we do have a earthquake it's nice to know that you can count on your twitter family for instant info and support. I mean people were on twitter tweeting before the quake ended, it's a lil freaking but entertaining and since I also got on twitter to get info I guess I am officially a twitter freak as well and am basically making fun of myself right now..lol Good Night.. and Dear Earth Please Stay Still, Thank You, Love Jen

What's with the Monsters ?

Everyone is always asking me what's with the Monsters..My Husband and I have a slight addiction to Monster Energy Drinks the blue can, low-carb, no sugar ones. Not because of the low-carb but because the blue ones tastes better. Anyway, people treat us like we are doing crack. I am one of those people who always has to be drinking something, I used to drink about 15 Diet Cokes a day and very little water. Well my Husband for most of our marriage worked the graveyard shift and a few years ago he started drinking Monsters to help him stay awake at night, and he got me to try one and one thing led to another and we were hooked. So I started drinking Monsters instead of Diet Coke, we actually do not drink any soda anymore unless we go out to eat. I also started drinking more water, I now drink about 4 liters of water per day. We drink about 4 or 5 of the 24oz Monsters each per day, we drink them because we like the way they taste. As far as them helping you stay awake that does not work for us, because we are both immune to caffeine. Granted we are probably immune because we both have always drank a lot of caffeine. People love to comment all day long about our Monster habit, It's not that big of a deal. We do not drink alcohol so as a vice Energy drinks isn't a bad one. I realize that yes we drink a lot of them, it doesn't really hit me until it's time to take the cans in and I've got 4 or 5 large trash bags filled with Monster cans. I love the looks I get from the people at the Recycling place. Someone can be standing right next to me with 10 bags filled to the rim with empty beer cans and no one even notices, but as soon as they see My Monster cans it's like I brought Crack cans. It is so funny... When we go to a bar-b-ques or other functions at our friends houses we always come in with our big ol bag of Monsters and everyone gives us shit as they are lugging cases of beer thru the door. So why are people so obsessed with us drinking Monsters ? I really don't know. There really is no rhyme or reason to why we drink Monsters other than we like the way they taste, I do however think there is something in them that is addictive because if we run out of Monsters , my husband and I both start to Freak Out a little bit and get anxious like "OMG what do we do now"..lol.. But yes maybe we do drink too many, but they are so good and now soda just tastes weird to me and honestly I cannot imagine not having my Monsters everyday..And I say if it makes me happy, SO BE IT....

From Girly Girl to Casual Girl...

For most of my life before I became a Mother I was a bit of Girly Girl. Then as all you Mama's out there know, once you have kids especially back to back and especially boys and become a stay at home Mom, all that Girly Girl goes out the window. Now I still love clothes and have an addiction to Jeans, I must have my True Religions, Frankie B's, William Rast's and Hudson Jeans. I am tall, skinny with long legs and for some reason the expensive jeans just fit better and once you have worn them, your hooked. Now I wear jeans pretty much everyday, jeans or sweats so spending the money on them is worth it for me, and I have one of those great Husbands who has really good style and appreciates good clothes. [He also loves to go shopping and understands that if there is one pair left in your size but it is 50 miles away that you have to jump in the car and go get them right away, I am lucky in that regard] I also love my Juicy Sweats and Hoodies and most of all my Juicy PJ's. As far as tops, American Apparel comfy Tees and Sweatshirts and Tank Tops are all I need in my wardrobe, I like to be comfy. To be honest their Hoodies are starting to win my vote over Juicy lately because they are so much more comfy. Luckily nowadays you can still dress cute and stylish with comfy clothes, there are so many great cute comfy clothes out there and I know where they all are. Now as far as shoes, that is not really my thing, my Husband is the one with shoe addiction in this household and it is a big one. For me a pair of Uggs for the winter and my Havaianas Flip Flops for the summer and I am good. I do have a bit of a Scarf thing going on lately. I also love make up and I love to buy it but rarely wear it that also goes for hair products. I love getting my hair done partly because it is my time to relax and get pampered and because I have the best hair stylist in the world and I love to buy the products but rarely do I use them. 99% of the time my hair is pulled into a pony tail. As much as I love make up and pretty clothes I wear pretty much the same thing everyday, Jeans, tee or tank or sweatshirt and Uggs and flip flops, because I am a Mom raising 2 boys. It's all about Skate Parks and Bmx, or running around with the dogs or being in the Car Shop. I have no reason to dress up or wear make up. I don't understand those women who go to the gym or the grocery store in full get up gear, give me a break people. Do you really need to be in full make up to buy food or run and errand or work out. I am of the, I am just running errands and am not gonna go get ready to do it philosophy, because I don't care and I don't have time. If you don't wanna see me all natural then don't look. If you have ever seen that woman that is in the grocery store in PJ's, that is me.. My husband always asks me why don't you fix your hair or put make up on, yet when I do he asks me, "Why are you all dressed up?" "Where are you going?" "What, are seeing someone else?" So I cannot win. Even at the shop if I wear make up or wear my hair down all the guys are asking me the same thing " What's going On?" " Where are you going, Why are you all dressed up?" Plus I just am too tired. Unless I am going somewhere really special, then I go all natural. Women always tell me, wow you are so brave to go without make up all the time, I wish I could do that but I am too insecure. Listen ladies it's not bravery or being super secure with myself, it's just plain old fashion exhaustion. I wish sometimes I had the energy to get up everyday and fix my hair and put make up on, but honestly just saying it makes me tired...If I had a job where I had to do all that, I would never make it or always be late, thank god I work for myself and can go to work however I want. Now I admit that as a woman getting all dolled up or even just wearing make up does make you fell better about yourself, it makes you feel like a woman. I have my moments where I need to get Girly and feel sexy just like I have my moments where I am so busy with the house and the boys, dogs, husband that after 2 days I am sitting there asking myself " Have you even taken a shower in the last 2 days?" Oh ya, those moments are many...lol..

They need Pupppy Sleeping pills..

So Sunday night was fun. At 1:oo am my oldest son Xander woke up crying because his throat hurt, I felt so bad. I hate when your kids don't feel well and there is nothing you can do to make the pain go away. I gave him some Motrin and had him gargle with salt water, he calmed down and insisted on laying on the couch with me and Molly. Of course as soon as he was on the couch Molly woke up, something about just seeing the boys gets her so excited. Now Molly is wide awake and BoBo has come over to see what is going on. Usually I can just give Molly her bone and she chews her little heart out and tires herself back out, but BoBo thinks it is hilarious to steal her bone. He has to have the one she is chewing on. So now Molly and BoBo are going at it, so I just decided to let it play out , this will definitely make her tired. I was wrong, they love to play fight and instead of it getting her energy out it seemed to just have given her more energy and now she is on one. She then proceeded to attack Xander, she tore his PJ bottoms as I was trying to pull her off, now you have to realize that this is funny as hell, so now Xander and I are laughing and now everyone is wide awake. Bobo finally gets tired and tries to sleep but Molly see her chance for revenge and she took it. Blop, Boom, Bam she jumps on his head, wrestles him into submission, he freaks out and gets his 2nd wind, Boom Molly goes down, it is now 4am, we are all still awake. Now my bright idea is to just put Molly in the boys room with her Bone and let her calm down, but she thinks running into the door head first is a lot more fun. An hour goes by it seems to be quiet so I let her out, she comes running toward me with this cute little look on her face like I'm Free, I'm Free... So I decide to pick her up and carry her around while singing to her, this works with babies so why not a puppy, I think she gained 10lbs since Saturday, so this didn't last very long and although it did not calm her down I did get a lot of good kisses. At 6am Xander finally went to sleep, but Molly was still wide awake, she ran around for another hour before she finally passed out. She is lucky she is so cute, that's all I have to say...

Now it's Monday yeah... It is 5 in the afternoon and Molly has been napping most the day, must be nice...

It Happens Everytime...

So yes I am a klutz, and stubbing my toes seems to be daily occurrence. Why is it that I cannot get through the night without stubbing my toe. Last night was probably one of the worst toe stubs I have had, a little tear actually came to my eye, we have blocked the hallway and the kitchen because we don't want Molly to be able to get in the bathroom or back bedrooms,or the kitchen this means in order to get to a bathroom in our house you either have to get over the barricade that is blocking the hallway or the extra tall pet gate that blocks off the kitchen. Now the barricade in the hallway is my very own nemesis. Every freakin night I stub my toes trying to get over that thing, then of course there is the obligatory grabbing your foot, banging the wall, and spouting out every curse word you can think of... It's like there is a magnet on that thing that just draws my poor little toes to there doom...

The " Divide and Conquer" Method

So Sunday is supposed to be Mom's Day. The day where I get to sleep in, and then relax and enjoy some alone time while the boys play outside with their friends. The Key to a Successful Sunday is the "Divide and Conquer" method. Where my husband takes our oldest son Xander to the car swap meet with him and leaves Nolan home with me. If we do not divide them up, then this is what happens... My husband is gone to the swap meet, the boys wake me up at 7am arguing about something, then it's "Mom, I said I was gonna play video games when I woke up but Xander won't let me play" "Mom Nolan hit me for no reason"etc.. They have also woke up the dogs at this point and now the dogs are hyper and growling and play fighting as loudly as possible as well. Now by the time my husband gets home I am wide awake and exhausted and ready to kill one of if not both of the boys because they won't stop fighting. Now my husband is Grumpy because I am yelling at him and now he is yelling at the boys for making me yell at him. This is why the " Divide and Conquer" plan is so important, on Sunday especially. Because Sunday is my day. Now this morning the whole system broke down and broke down in a big way..

Last night Molly went to bed at 11:30, but then Xander woke her up at 1:00am. She then proceeded to be as hyper as can be and would not calm down. Finally at 5:30 this morning I got her back to sleep. Then I fell asleep only to be awakened an hour later by the sound of my husbands alarm clock which went off for 7 mins before I finally went in and shut it off, I eased my way back to the sofa next to Molly trying my hardest not to wake the beast. My husband then stumbles in as loudly as possible, coughing and hacking as loudly as possible and plops down on the sofa. Molly peeks up as I lay as still as possible pleading with God for her to close her eyes and lay back down. I tell my husband, shhh... Please don't wake her up she just got back to sleep, my husband who is not a morning person, just looks at me and shrugs. He then tries to wake Xander up again as loudly as possible and decides to get dressed in the living room, Why? I don't know.. Long story short by the time he leaves, Molly is of course wide awake again and both of the boys are still here..So my relaxing Sunday didn't go quite the way I planned, in fact in went exactly like described above. Maybe next week...

Molly The Mastiff Mayhem

So yes I thought bringing the dogs to the shop everyday would be easy. After all everyone at the shop brings their dogs, this would be a great way to socialize the new puppy and get BoBo the freak dog to stop being so weird around other dogs. What I didn't consider was the ride to shop everyday with a big fat BoBo and a brand new Puppy. After a few days of Molly sitting on my shoulders the whole way, I decicded to go to Petsmart and get her a Doggie Seatbelt. This will be the safest and easiest way to ride in the truck, so I thought. What they don't tell you on the "Easy Rider" package is that your dog will most likely end up freaking out after you strap them in and end up in a tangled mess trying to hang themselves, which is exactly what happened. So we are back to square one. I also did not consider how much time it would take getting them from the house to the car. They are dogs, oh no no, it is just like trying to get a hyper 3 yr old and a newborn out the door. With me lugging the doggie bag, packed with all the chew toys, Molly's blankie, training treats, food, bones, all while holding 2 dogs on 2 different leashes wanting to go 2 different ways. Getting Bobo in the truck is easy, but as soon as I re-open the door to put Molly in Bobo jumps out and runs down the street. Now I have gotten Molly in the truck and get to go play " catch me if u can" with Bobo. This is my morning everyday. I need to come up with a better way....